i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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