He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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