you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
