Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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