fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
