my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
