Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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