I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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