So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
