he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
