Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
