I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
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