do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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