I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
ugly people sure do ruin things
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
