I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Is it penis luge time yet?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
