Got a toothbrush?
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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