I hate your face
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
