I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
