people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
did i walk over a car last night?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
