If that was your dad, he is hot
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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