I queefed so loud it echoed.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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