My brain says no but my pants say off.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
