'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
