i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
