grandma shit on top of the toilet
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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