That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
