the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
