My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
