So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
