Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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