Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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