I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize