im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
