I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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