What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
