Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
