Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize