i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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