Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
