Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
