Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
