There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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