Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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