So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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