Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
