Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
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