I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize