You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
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