well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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