seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize