We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
