wanna go halves on a baby?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
