Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
