Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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