oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
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