It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
