Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I want to be your penis for a week.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
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