Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
