i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just high enough for therapy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
