She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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