Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize