wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
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