farters have to be the big spoon...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
