Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
