dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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