Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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