i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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