At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize