So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
