i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
