I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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