she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
