I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
