I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
